Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
