While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
