I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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