I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
