Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
