They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
