never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
