Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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