fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize