he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
