can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
