Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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