Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize