So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize