toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
