Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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