i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
