I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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