I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
