Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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