Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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