He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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