May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize