If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize