normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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