you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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