weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
