So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
