we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
