Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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