i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
