he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
