I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
