So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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