What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
