Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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