That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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