woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
