He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
