Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
