I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
