Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
