guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
