I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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