it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
