Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
