She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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