He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
