he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
