His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
