i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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