It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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