If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize