U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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