he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
