her vagine was all disorganized.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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