My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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