This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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