is your mom at the bar?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
