I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
