the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
