i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
