And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hippo gnu deer
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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