I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
