I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just had sex on a roof
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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