I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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