I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
