he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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