How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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